


hands up, feel okay

by svladcjelli



Series: i know i'm not as cool as i'd like to be (11.22.63 Fix-It) [3]
Category: 11.22.63 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, for marina and lee, not the boys!! they hold hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24486892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svladcjelli/pseuds/svladcjelli
Summary: In which Jake is a bit more compassionate.
Relationships: Jake Epping/Bill Turcotte
Series: i know i'm not as cool as i'd like to be (11.22.63 Fix-It) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774312
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	hands up, feel okay

**Author's Note:**

> WELCOME BACK TO “BILL DESERVED BETTER!!!” title is from two time by jack stauber, hope u like it :)

Bill Turcotte was a lot of things - bitter, irreverent, insolent, but passionate and warmhearted nonetheless. He was a balance of piss and vinegar and everything good, all combining into one of the best men Jake had ever known. 

Even when they went to a bar in small-town Jodie where things got out of hand, Jake still found himself scrambling to pick up the pieces. 

It was a Friday evening, far past the time the Oswalds had gone to bed for the night, and Bill had insisted he and Jake should go out and do something fun. As it turned out, a mission to save the president used a lot of time from the day and barely left any free time for themselves but Bill was determined to break that cycle. 

Because Bill was stubborn, nearly as stubborn as Jake, and wouldn't let up until Jake gave in. And so, for his sake, he did.

It was an average night, painstakingly so, but average was a good change of pace in their abnormal day-to-day lives. Jake wasn't a heavy drinker and he supposed it was a good thing when Bill was a man who didn't know how to hold his liquor. 

"Habit from my daddy," Bill slurred, sloshing around the cider in the bottom of the glass, "Never did know when to stop." 

There was a grin on his face that Jake could see through. Bill had only mentioned his father once in the past- it didn't seem to be a very fun subject to touch upon. The night drew on as the air was filled with chatter between the two accompanied by Bill's boisterous drunken cackles. 

It was when the bar was winding down for the night and the alcohol began making Bill drowsy that Jake decided it was a good idea to turn in for the night. Bill was too loopy to stand on his own as he swayed on his feet side-to-side so Jake had Bill wrap an arm around his shoulders allowing Jake to support most of his weight. 

The walk home was wobbly and uncoordinated, Jake had to practically carry Bill the whole way. (He wouldn't say it, but it was worth it.) 

"Jaaaaake, you asshole." Bill swayed, "I love..." 

The words hung in the air but were never complete. Jake knew what Bill was trying to say- they both did, it was a silent acknowledgement. He knew Bill struggled with intimacy especially with another man. 

_'It's wrong though.' Bill would repeat himself time and time again. Jake could only assure him it wasn't and someday it was no longer viewed as vile or deviant or disgusting. He had a feeling Bill never believed him._

"Yeah, okay buddy. Let's get you home." 

Home was a funny word. For Jake it could mean the future, 2016, and for Bill it could be Holden, or it could mean their shitty rundown apartment in sweltering Texas but beneath it all- it meant each other. But in that instance, it was their shitty apartment. 

Getting Bill up the stairway was a struggle on its own, as he would nearly trip on every other step and laugh as if it were the funniest thing he'd seen all the while Jake tried so desperately to hush him for the neighbors' sake. Once they made their way inside, Bill was practically boneless which made getting him to bed an easier feat than Jake expected. 

Too easy, he thought. 

Bill sat upright- albeit slumped- on the bed near the recorder while Jake helped him out of his clothes. He caught the way Bill paled when he glanced at the pile of tapes and scattered notes resting on the desk. 

"If you're going to puke, don't do it on my shoes." Jake half-joked.

There was a drawn-out silence that Jake wasn't used to in Bill's presence. 

"Marina," Bill started, words still slurred and jumbled, and Jake couldn't stop the soft sigh that escaped him, "She 'minds me of Clara- the- the way Frank treated Clara. I w'sh there was more I c'ld do. " 

It was a spike of vulnerability that Jake wasn't equipped to handle. There was another pause before Bill decided to continue.

"I know wha' happens in those kinda l'vers. 's a damn shame." 

Jake knew of Clara just enough to understand what Bill was spouting and he couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness. The time between shucking off the rest of their clothes and getting into bed was spent in silence and Jake would be lying if he said he didn't feel bad. Jake spooned Bill as he lied on his side closest to the wall, breathing in the scent of sweat, alcohol, and cigarettes. A scent that was uniquely Bill. 

He absentmindedly traced the raised scars on Bill's back with calloused fingers as Bill lied still, supposedly sleeping before letting out a dry chuckle that lacked humour, like it was just a noise to fill the silence. 

"All fr'm my dad. Funny, ain't it?" Bills tone was the softest he had heard and Jake could still smell the alcohol on his tongue, "Sometimes I can still feel it." 

Jake's stomach dropped but from rage or sympathy, he couldn't tell. He cleared his throat and pulled his hand away, "I'm sorry." 

Bill huffed another humourless laugh, "'s okay. You're gentle." 

Jake wrapped his arm around Bill, holding him close. 

Things weren't perfect- far from it. But maybe if they stuck together, it would be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> WHEW hope u liked it!!!!!! i just want em to hold hands,,, thank you SO much for readin!!!  
> (come scream at me on tumblr : @svlad-gently )


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